…i think i literally hurt someone’s feelings because i was like “no our teachers are not ‘hazing’ us, this system just isn’t about what’s comfortable or possible for the students, part of what we’re here to learn is how to figure out what we need to do, what we want to do, and what we can choose…
No you’re right. It’s Graduate School, you’re not there to get good grades or impress the professors, you’re there to get as much out of those professors as you want (or as little). It’s a hard (and frankly weird) lesson to learn, many good students got “to the top” by doing their best to Impress Everyone.
That being said, I think I’ve had to relearn this lesson at least 5 times since I got to school…
Possibly I learned this earlier than most because I have N E V E R been any good at motivating myself to do any schoolwork that I didn’t care about and wasn’t of major serious importance. So I have been doing this triage shit since, like, we got to middle school.
Like it wasn’t exactly fun or commendable, but I was blowing off large quantities of schoolwork pretty much from day one. Actually I remember being held after school in second grade because they were like “you have not turned in way too many things, you are staying in this room till you complete the following.” I was always a dirtbag and I learned to cope, I guess? And of course that itself was necessitated by the fact that I always went to really good schools that asked a lot of me (though I get the impression this girl did too, so idk if it’s a factor in this particular situation), which not everyone is able to do. Some people who go to less-good schools but are really good at academics never get overwhelmed enough that they have to learn this, probably.
For me its really been a matter of taking agency over my learning. I know this is stupid thing to have had to learn as late as college. But until I got to about 70% through undergrad I was always trying to perform well (and not always succeeding) to please somebody else (usually my parents, sometimes Ms. S or Ms. L and I’ll let you figure our who those two are). The reward wasnt really work well done, or knowledge gained, it was (frankly) a cookie/pat on the head.
And, like, the sad part is I didnt really realize this was what was happening. I liked learning, I thought I was doing it for all the right reasons. But in the end, I was doing it for the cookie. Then the cookies ran out.
Oh, and EDIT: (and sorry this is turning into a wordy rant) I think some people (from a particular background anyway) get to grad level and their identity is so thoroughly wrapped up in their academic performance that when they can’t keep up they start lashing out at everything, often the institution, often themselves… I also feel ashamed that I actually had to learn, as an adult human, that I am not just my job, or my school, and “what I do.”
… If that sounds as entitled and awful as I think it does I’m really truly sorry… but in the interest, of, I dunno, full disclosure?
I don’t think it’s entitled so much as it’s American, or probably just middle-class American. (Which often brings with it entitlement but isn’t the same thing as this sentiment being entitled?) People who grow up like we did get the message constantly that you are what you do. When you are supposed to be worrying about building your resume at like age 15 it will fuck with your understanding of how to be a person. Add to that our general society’s inability to conceive of identity outside of accomplishment + consumption (i.e. I’m someone who went to a good school and likes punk rock, that is Who I Am) and yeah it’s hardly surprising that a lot of us learn this late.
But I still think this person was just, uh, way too far down that rabbit hole. Way, way far. idk like I can have some sympathy for it (obviously) but I still don’t get where in the everloving hell she could have gotten the word hazing. The fuck. I think that’s the part that truly mystifies me. NO ONE CARES ENOUGH TO VICTIMIZE YOU.